Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
