So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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