I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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