We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
