I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
