Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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