How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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