so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
