I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
