So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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