It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
