went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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