are you so shy because you have an std?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
