Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
