He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
