Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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