i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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