i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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