I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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