then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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