i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize