Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
