I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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