I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
