I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
