Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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