I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just pee around me
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
