how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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