Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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