babies were throwing up all over the place
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
