Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
