Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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