I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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