Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
