so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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