She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
