I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
