Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
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