she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
