Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
