You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So vagazzling was a success
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
