Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
