she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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