Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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