Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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