You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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