I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
