when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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