Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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