We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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