im about as happy as oj after his trial
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
