he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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