McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The uberlube is also flammable
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
