He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
