Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
