The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
