I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
