Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
