Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
