My underwear smells like fireworks.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize