Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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