either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
