Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
