Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I need to calm my uterus...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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