Well douche your snatch and let's go!
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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