I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
