So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
