"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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