there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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