I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
