your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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