Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
