we're chasing vodka with high fives
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
