i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
