I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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