I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
