She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
