I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
