apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
operation harelip BJ is a go
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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