I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
