Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
