I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Life is so much better after having sex.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
