DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize