Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
