What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
