12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
