Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You made out with two different species that night
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
